Let’s admit it: it can suck being single. Not because you yearn to go out to dinner on Saturday nights or because you want someone to send you flowers, but because you want to be in love: real, meaningful long-lasting love.
I get it. I was a first-time bride at age 47. I dated for 30 long years, and about 20 of those were spent home alone or out with friends pretending we weren’t looking for men. (Which we always were.)
Now, as a married gal and a dating coach for women, I can look at this with perspective. Here is what I see:
That day when you become so frustrated, so alone, and like you can’t bear to spend one more day being a single woman in a world of married people…that day can be the most powerful, life-changing day of your life. It can be the day you place your single-hood front and center, dig deep, and decide if you really, really, REALLY want to share your life with a fabulous man.
That’s what happened to me. One day I had just had enough. I hit bottom. I realized I no longer wanted to live as a single woman. I wanted to find my life partner.
How about you? Are you feeling like it’s time to fall in love? If the answer is yes, then here’s your first step: Fall in Love with Yourself.
Make the next few months all about you rather than the guy who is not (yet) in your life.
If you’re going to make positive changes in the way you date and relate to men, and you’re going to attract that spectacular guy (instead of just any guy), your starting point is with YOU.
This doesn’t mean it’s your fault or that there’s something wrong with you. This isn’t about remaking yourself or figuring out all the things you should be that you’re not.
It’s the opposite. Falling in love with yourself is about celebrating yourself, showing yourself some kindness, and doing some honest self-reflection—because you deserve the best life possible.
I want to share with you an exercise I do with my clients. My 6-Step Find Hope and Then Find Him System, which is the foundation of my coaching, starts with Step 1: Who Am I? Falling in Love with Myself.
The first part of this exercise goes like this:
List the things about yourself that you love.
That’s it. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet it’s actually very difficult for most women. How often are we asked to look at our fabulousness?
How about you? Did you get that “geez, that feels icky” feeling? Does it feel selfish or conceited? Do you worry your list will be very short?
Most women conjure up the usual things: I’m smart, I’m independent, I’m a good friend, I have great hair. And then they run into a brick wall. They can’t see much more that’s special or worthy about themselves.
You don’t have to be curing cancer or be able to speak eight languages to consider yourself wonderful and worthy. Attributes like being someone people rely on and trust, being loyal, making people laugh, being able to handle life’s ups and downs, raising good children…these are all things to love about yourself.
If you don’t think these are worth much, consider this: what do you want in a man? Loving kindness, commitment, good humor, intelligence? These things count BIG TIME! I guarantee these are traits you possess in some form and that there are men looking for women just like you.
I once heard a man say, “If a woman doesn’t seem to love herself, why should I love her?”
When was the last time you actually focused solely on yourself? Have you ever asked yourself, “What makes me a good person worthy of love?”
Make today the day you fall in love…with yourself.