Have you been dreading it and trying to avoid it? Chances are pretty good – thanks to all the advertising and silliness – that you’re keenly aware Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

I used to call Valentine’s Day “Singles Awareness Day.” Now that I’m married I couldn’t care less about it.

I know from years of personal, painful experience that being single on Valentine’s Day can suck. Sure, you might not want a box of cheap chocolates or a dozen roses that will wilt and die in days. But I’d bet good money you want what Valentine’s Day is supposed to represent: being in love.

After spending plenty of February 14ths home alone over my 30 years of dating, I gained some unique insight into Valentine’s Day. Let me share with you the biggest secret you may not know.

This year, this previously horrendous holiday can be the day your life changes.

How?

You can decide that you’re really, sincerely ready to share your life with a great guy. And then you can show your love—to yourself.

That’s right. After acknowledging the truth that you really do want a man in your life, the next step is to focus on falling in love with you. This is what I did, and it led me straight to the love of my life.

Don’t spend Valentine’s Day snacking on leftover red velvet cupcakes from the office party or watching a weepy movie while you pine for a man who’s not even part of your life. Instead, celebrate yourself.

In my 6-Step Find Hope and Then Find Him Program, the first step starts with putting yourself front and center. A warning though: it’s only effective if you’re willing to engage in honest self-reflection. Not only do you identify and celebrate what you love about yourself, you also consider the woman you can be. The woman who will attract the man you’re dreaming of.

From there, you can start creating a workable plan of action and march directly toward your heart’s content.

That is how you move up your emotional scale and set yourself on the path to your best possible life.

This Valentine’s Day, fall in love with the person who matters most right now: YOU. Take it from me—a woman with a ton of experience who’s been where you are—that when you do this, you will attract the mature, confident loving man you desire and deserve.