Dating over 40: Why He’s Not Asking You Out

I can answer this in three words: You’re not memorable.

That’s it.

Whether it’s the hot man you had a nice chat with at the local coffee shop or the guy you had a great first date with, getting him to ask you out can take some skill.

Yep, I said skill.

You’re not 18 anymore, and the men you are interested in (or should be) are mature men of depth. They have busy lives (like you) and would probably rather be single than in a bad relationship (like you).

Contrary to many women’s beliefs, these men don’t ask out a woman just because they think she’s pretty. Remember, we are talking about mature “good guys” here.

Think about it: if only the gorgeous girls got dates, that would cover about 5% of the population. So how did the rest of us “normal folk” hook up? We talked, found each other attractive, and decided to continue talking.

Yes, men want to have some attraction to you. But they are looking for more. Like you, they want to connect with someone with whom they can share some fun, great conversation, interests and values. You need to be able to show them you are that woman.

Fabulous men in our age range have many choices. And remember that they are probably fine alone. So if you want to get that date, show him that you’re intriguing, interesting and nice to be around.

Make it more than a “she was nice” experience for him. Have him walk away thinking, “Hmmmm…I want to see her again.”

Here are five ways to make yourself memorable:

  1. Stick to the good stuff.
    You know how important first impressions are. When you connect, make it a 100% positive experience. Don’t bond on the bad stuff. It may seem great that you both had crappy divorces or hate your jobs, but that discussion will negatively tinge the rest of your conversation. Gracefully steer the conversation away from any talk like this.It takes some skill to do this, but it will be worth learning. I teach this to all my coaching clients, and it instantly makes a difference in the quality of their dates.
  2. Focus on him, but not too much.
    We think a man really digs it when we let him talk endlessly about himself. He does—in the moment. If he does all the talking, however, here’s what can happen:* He leaves knowing nothing about you except that you’re a good listener. And that’s probably not at the top of his list for a mate.* When he realizes he shared too much, he will either see you as an interrogator or feel anxious about telling you too much.

    Either of those scenarios means he probably won’t be calling you.

Come back tomorrow for the other three reasons he’s not asking you out.

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