Do Something, Just One Thing, Different Today

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always  gotten. ~ Anthony Robbins

I love this quote. I admit that I don’t always live by it myself, but I definitely think you should. (Just being honest here. I’m trying.)

You probably know who Tony Robbins is. He teaches people how to change their lives so they can accomplish their lifetime goals. I’ve seen him speak in person; and let me tell you, this guy is an amazing salesperson. He is unbelievably dynamic and persuasive. This guy gets what he wants. (Most often he wants your money.)

But I digress. So what does this have to do with dating? Everything. How many months or years have you been unable to reach your most fundamental goal of having love in your life? You’ve probably been looking and looking, and that man just hasn’t yet shown up.

Well here’s what Tony and I think about that: as long as you stay the same and keep doing things the same way in your quest for love, you will remain in the same situation. This man won’t just show up.

I know, I know. Your situation without him isn’t bad. You’re happy, right?  But won’t it be spectacular when you find a brilliant, loving partner to share it all with? Just waiting for Mr. I Love You to show up is not going to work. Contrary to what we tell ourselves, this isn’t just a numbers game or a case of deserving it so one day you’ll get it. You must make it happen, and the only way you can do that is by learning and growing, and, yes, even by doing some changing.

Here’s what I think: This is all about becoming the very best you that you can be. (Did that make sense? Too many “yous” maybe?) I spent years as single-I’m happy-without-a-man-but-gee-I’d-like-one Bobbi. I was waiting for my life partner to show up. It wasn’t until I made some fundamental changes in myself that I was able to become the holy-crap-I’ve-actually-snagged-my-dream-man Bobbi.

So change something. Do something different today in your connection with men. I’m not talking scary change here: just a little shift to see how it feels. Here are some suggestions. Don’t stop at one; do as many as you can.

1. Wear lipstick and shave your legs.  (Yes, both!)

2. Ask a man to help you do something: reach something in the store, hold the door open for you, give you directions. And when he does, make sure you smile big and say “thank you.”

3. Sign up for a dance class or a Sierra Club singles hike .

4. Give a man a compliment. Tell him you like his tie, he has nice eyes, or that you liked what he said about something. If you find the opportunity to call him your hero, do it! He will stay puffed up for a week. How nice of you!

5. Look straight into the eyes of that cute young man behind the counter at Kinkos or Starbucks…and smile…for a full three seconds.

6. Tell five people that you’re looking for a fantastic man in your life and ask each to help you meet two men.  (Got the math? Woo hoo!)

7. Go buy a new bra that shows off your fabulous girls. While you’re at it, feel free to peruse the lingerie section and fantasize a little. Again, smile.

8. Ask the guy behind you in any line any insignificant question. I don’t know what; just think of something. Try “Do you know what time they close today?”

9. Ask your chic girlfriend for a referral to her hairstylist and make an appointment. (Hey, if you can’t afford it, have the fancy stylist do it once and have a less expensive one follow the cut thereafter.)

10. Ask a male friend to teach you something about men that he thinks women don’t know or understand.

For this to work, there’s one more giant thing you must do differently today: pause, just pause, those old recordings in your head that have forever guided your response and relationship to men. You know what I’m talking about: “If a man doesn’t like me the way I look, he’s superficial and he’s not for me anyway.” “I don’t need to ask a man to help me do anything. I’ve been doing things myself for a long time, and quite well!” “I’m too shy or bloated or busy or tall or out of practice or chubby or scared or independent to talk to some strange man in the grocery store.”

Stop that! Just for a day. When I tell you that I was expert in singing those tunes, I am merely understating. I could have won the grand prize for sabotaging self -talk. We can talk about each of these self-defeating discussions later. But for now, please just stop for a day.

I know you don’t know me too well yet, but you can trust me on this. Turn off your internal banter for one day and do something that lets you feel what it’s like to connect, learn something, feel pretty, feel powerful, and just do something differently. You might learn that it’s not so scary, and maybe your perception or future experiences might just shift a bit. And hey, you might even have some fun!

Let me know how it goes.

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